A Few Questions

A Few Questions

Why am I doing this?

What am I striving for?

Who is this about?

Where to next?

What have I gotten myself into?

Will I regret this?

Have I given it enough thought?

Am I thinking too hard?

What are my priorities?

Can I live with the trade-offs?

Am I a good husband and father?

According to who?

Am I overly ambitious?

Am I too easily satisfied?

Am I working too hard?

Am I slacking off?

Too driven?

Too lukewarm?

Aiming too high?

Settling?

Is the struggle really worth it?

What will it cost me?

Have I sacrificed too much or not enough?

Why so many questions?

Am I taking care of myself?

Am I too self-absorbed?

What am I trying to prove?

Do I understand grace?

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Isn't my life now hidden with Christ?

Haven't I been found by the Great Shepherd?

If I know Who is God, why can't I be still?

Alex Trebek doesn't know it all?

As a fan of useless trivia, I usually enjoy watching Jeopardy! despite the frequently condescending attitude of host Alex Trabek. On yesterday's show, the snootiness caught up with him while exchanging pleasantries with a contestant named Amy.

According to an unofficial transcript, the conversation went something like this:

Alex: Amy Wilson, our new champion, likes dressing up for Halloween.

Amy: I do. Literary figures.

Alex: Some of the figures you have, uh, dressed up as are?

Amy: Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind, Dumbledore from Harry Potter...

Alex: [insulted] I know where Rhett Butler is from. I know where Dumbledore is from.

Amy: I'm sorry Alex. And also Sam, Sam Gamgee from... [pausing to offer Alex both an olive branch and an opportunity to show forth his encyclopedic knowledge]

Alex: [puzzled] Sam Gamgee? I'm not familiar with that character.

Amy: Sam Gamgee from Lord of the Rings?

Alex: Oh, good. Mm-hmm.

Down low, too slow

Here's my problem with blogging: I'm too slow for it. I'm a slow thinker, a slow writer and consequently, a slow blogger. I have dozens, if not hundreds of ideas with nothing to show for them except unrefined fragments and incomplete thoughts.

Of course, I'm not slow at everything, just the things I care most about. Writing takes more time than reading. Coherence requires more effort than complaining. Creating demands more space than than consuming. It's easier to copy and paste than cultivate something halfway original. Even publishing a quick and ranty blog post takes me far longer than skimming through 150 posts on Google Reader.

So why do I spend most of my time on the things I care least about? Probably because I'm quick to dive but slow to swim. Over committed and under compensated, I've painted myself into more corners than I can count. A perfect case in point is my burdensome grad school investment that is "too big to fail" with no bailout in sight. It's too late to pull out, but too early to see any fruit.

Here's a good recipe for frustration: Commit yourself to things that take a ton of time and leave yourself no time to complete them with any degree of joy or satisfaction. Mix well and repeat. You'll soon be stewing in your own juices.